


i love you, don't you mind?

by toflowerknights



Series: i love you, don't you mind? [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Post Finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-31
Updated: 2014-07-31
Packaged: 2018-02-11 03:37:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2052147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toflowerknights/pseuds/toflowerknights
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bellamy couldn't breathe. Smoke was everywhere and it choked him until there was nothing but grey. Just as he was about to close his eyes, to let it all end, he felt a hand wrap itself around his arm. "You need to move," Finn said.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i love you, don't you mind?

Bellamy couldn't breathe. Smoke was everywhere and it choked him until there was nothing but grey. Just as he was about to close his eyes, to let it all end, he felt a hand wrap itself around his arm. "You need to move," Finn said. His voice broke through the pain, broke through anything that might've told Bellamy to stay down and with pained gasps he crawled further away from the fire, out of the smoke until he could feel fresh air cool his lungs. He crawled until he felt the ground give out underneath him and he gave out a shout in surprise as water engulfed him. He struggled to find the surface, wondered if this was how it would end after all, until he finally crashed through the surface and took a deep breath, never realising how much it would hurt to do so, and coughed up all the water he had managed to swallow.

The darkness creeped away from the corner of his eyes and it wasn't until he was absolutely certain that he wouldn't die that he felt the pain in his body. He looked down at his right hand and saw a horrible mess of red, blistering, melted skin and his jacket seemingly seamless with his arm. He hissed as he prodded at the skin, but it was as if the pain was non consistent and he only knew that it would hurt. He bit his lip and closed his eyes and without giving himself time to prepare, tore the fabric away from his arm. He howled in pain, felt tears form behind his eyes and screamed until he was hoarse. When he had no shouts left he doubled over and threw up on the hard, unyielding rocks underneath him. That's when he heard movement beside him, and he was at once painfully aware of Finn's presence next to him. He turned around to take a look at him, to focus at something else other than the wreckage the fire had left on his body.

Finn looked good. Dirty, a split lip and some blood running down his forehead, but otherwise fine. He must've gotten away in time before the blast. He hissed sympathetically when he saw Bellamy's limp arm and grasped it gently in his hand. "We need to cool that down," he said and Bellamy barely had time to react before Finn pulled him toward the dropship. The smoke had cleared significantly and Bellamy wondered how much really had passed as he was trying to get away from it. He walked through the destruction in disbelief and tried not to imagine his people, his friends, burning alive. Finn paid it no mind as he pulled Bellamy across the graveyard and into the dropship. Bellamy nearly tripped as he was pulled across the ledge.

"Clarke made salves to help with burns, and another one for infections. What do they look like, Bellamy?"

Bellamy gaped at Finn as he began to dig through all the boxes where Clarke had kept her supplies. His eyes searched their way around the dropship and he choked back a strangled cry as he saw a huddled figure propped up against the wall. The long hair was unmistakable. "Raven," he rasped out and Finn stopped his frantic search. He turned his head, slowly, swallowed heavily at Raven's lifeless form and then continued his search.

"Raven is dead," he said thickly, "For now, let's focus on making sure you won't be. The salve, Bellamy. What colour was it?" When Bellamy didn't reply he turned around with a furious look on his face. "Bellamy, you know this. _Think!_ "

Bellamy's eyes snapped up from Raven to Finn, and the fear he found in Finn's eyes made him react. "R-red," he managed, "Red is for burns." Finn let out a wobbly smile in relief and went back to digging. A moment later he was at Bellamy's side. "This will probably hurt" was the only warning he got before Finn smeared the paste on Bellamy's arm.

They buried Raven that night. Finn hadn't been able to go near the body, so it had been up to Bellamy to get her out of the dropship. He didn't want to admit it, but seeing Raven's eyes stare into nothing, her hands still covering her wound, nearly made him lose all the hope he still had. He stroked her cheek with his good hand and forced himself not to reel back as he felt how cold she was. He wondered if she had died alone, or if someone had been able to let her say goodbye. Somehow he got the body out of the dropship. Somehow they managed to dig a grave. It took them much longer than usual, seeing as Bellamy only had one arm to dig with. When they had covered it up Bellamy left Finn alone. As alone as he dared. He backed into the shadows of the dropship and let Finn say his goodbye's. He could see the outline of Finn's body next to the grave, a silhouette of a little boy saying goodbye to his only family. He pretended not to notice Finn's body convulse with grief, and if Finn's face was wet when he joined Bellamy again, he didn't say anything.

-

They stayed in the dropship. Door closed, hatch locked and they felt relatively safe on the second floor. Bellamy fell asleep almost instantly but woke several times during the night as he shivered from the cold. The fifth time he did so Finn crawled up behind him.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Bellamy grumped as Finn's arm closed around his torso and Finn huffed in amusement. "You're freezing, this helps," he said in explanation and tried to avoid touching Bellamy's arm. "You can hate me later, but this is what we need to do to survive."

"I don't need to do anything," Bellamy muttered sourly and fell asleep immediately.

-

It was strange, being just the two of them. None of them particularly liked each other, and it was a rough couple of days when they tried to figure out how they could live together without wanting to kill each other in their sleep. They came up with a few rules to make things easier. They didn't talk about Raven, because the first time Bellamy had tried to bring her up Finn closed down immediately and refused to talk to him for the rest of the day. They didn't talk about their friends, except when they were trying to figure out how to get them back. They never mentioned any names specifically. Bellamy often thought about Octavia, hoped she was alright, and vowed to find her as soon as he could.

Bellamy was surprised to find himself enjoying Finn's company. Maybe when they weren't in the middle of a war, when they actually had some peace and quiet, they were somewhat compatible. Maybe he was so lonely without all the others around him that he desperately latched on to the only other human around. Bellamy found that he really didn't want to know the answer. The weeks passed and Bellamy didn't know anything else but the fact that Finn was always there. Finn was always there. No matter how angry Bellamy got that his arm didn't work, that their friends were still locked up or dead and that they didn't seem to be able to do anything about it. Finn was always there, and somehow he always managed to calm Bellamy down.

One night Finn turned Bellamy's face sideways, so that it was lit up by the moonlight, and he kissed him slowly as his hand tangled into Bellamy's hair. Bellamy didn't know how to react, didn't know why Finn was doing this, why he would... That was the last thing he thought before opening up, letting Finn take whatever he wanted. Took all he wanted from Finn in return. Bellamy wondered when Finn had begun to feel like home. He decided it didn't matter and pulled him closer, as close as his body would let him. In the morning he found claw marks on both him and Finn and blushed down to the bone as Finn seemed to be perfectly at ease. Finn crawled close, let Bellamy feel his breath on his cheek and kissed him gently.

"You're really adorable when you blush," Finn whispered against his lips, bit down at Bellamy's bottom lip with his teeth and tugged. Bellamy found that he didn't mind.

-

Bellamy woke one day and found a reflection of himself stare back. His eyes were hollow and his cheeks sunken in. He looked as if he operated on half strength and the batteries were running out. Then his heart stopped beating as he realised that the reason was black goggles connected to a man holding a gun. He screamed out for Finn but two mountain men grabbed him before he was off the floor. "Finn!" He screamed in terror, as he was nowhere to be found. "What the fuck did you do to him? Finn!" That was all he remembered before it turned black.

They put them both in a room, which Bellamy found weird seeing as there was only one bed. Finn winked suggestively at him and sat down on the small, all white bed.

"Look how cosy this will be," he said cheerfully and patted the space next to him, motioning for Bellamy to come over. Bellamy did as he was asked and felt his heart calm down when Finn's warmth embraced him. "Maybe they thought that we were to cute together to keep apart."

Bellamy laughed out loud and punched Finn in the shoulder. Finn pulled back with a pained grimace. "Fuck off," Bellamy said as he tangled his hand into Finn's hair. Finn's let his head fall backward with a soft sigh. He lifted a hand to push gently at Bellamy's shoulder. Bellamy let himself be pressed down on the bed and smiled in satisfaction as he felt the familiar weight of Finn's hips against his own. "Maybe this will be alright," he said even though the words tasted sour in his mouth, he didn't feel completely hopeless. He closed his eyes as he felt Finn's lips against his neck and hummed appreciatively. "I mean, at least we are together."

-

It wasn't. The next day five white clad, faceless people came into the room. Bellamy barely had time to react before he found himself hauled off the bed and tied to a chair. In the corner of his eyes he could see them do the same thing to Finn. "Wha-" he began but was distracted as one of them placed electrodes on each side of his face and torso.

"What's going on?" Finn asked loudly, but he got no answer. Bellamy repeated the question and received the same treatment as Finn.

Over the next couple of hours they were put under every test known to man, and probably a few more. The mountain men took Bellamy's blood, saliva, hair and blood pressure. They used flashing lights that made bright dots appear on the back of his eyelids. They stuck needle after needle into him, and Bellamy wondered why they would need so much blood. At one point they forced Bellamy's mouth open to remove one of his teeth.

They repeatedly poked and prodded at Bellamy's burnt arm to try and determine the damage. Bellamy felt his heart sink when nothing they did seemed to have the desired effect. His arm was still useless. 

When they were finished they left Bellamy and Finn shivering on their bed, feeling helpless and violated. Finn's left hand was tangled up in Bellamy's sweaty curls and his right was drawing circles around Bellamy's right nipple.

"Go to sleep," Finn said, and his voice was rough from lack of use, "I'll still be here in the morning."

Bellamy huffed loudly, but felt his eyelids grow heavy. "You better be, seeing as we're locked up and all," he replied with a yawn. "And if you manage to escape while I'm sleeping I will personally break out of here to kill you."

Finn smiled against his chest and Bellamy gave out a surprised yelp as Finn pinched his nipple. Before he could come up with a suitable punishment he was fast asleep. Finn kept his promise and was smiling down at Bellamy when he woke up.

-

They were left alone for days, maybe weeks, were the only contact they had with someone outside their cell was the person leaving them food twice a day. Bellamy could never tell if it was the same person, or a new one each time. He had tried to communicate with them, but there was always the same stony silence he was used to. He and Finn spent their time fucking, making lewd gestures at the cameras and planning their escape. Granted, the only idea they had was to punch the guard leaving them food and run. So it needed some work.

Then, one day, the door opened and two men stepped in. "Bellamy Blake," the one on the right said, and Bellamy instinctively took a step back. "You're coming with us."

"What do you want?" he said hostilely and took another step back. They didn't reply. He curled his right hand into a loose fist and felt utterly helpless. The man on the left fished out a large syringe and the metal glistened in the harsh light. 

"We can make this very hard, or very easy," he said and Bellamy felt his heart sink. He looked at Finn, who uncertainly looked back at him, then shrugged. Bellamy motioned for Finn to go first and then sighed heavily. "Let's go then." The guard not holding the syringe held up a hand and almost smacked Finn in the face.

"Just you!"

Bellamy looked helplessly at Finn, who looked back with obvious contempt. "Go," he said in dismay. "I'll still be here..."

"When I get back," Bellamy finished for him and that earned him Finn's middle finger in return. Bellamy's laughter could be heard echoing through that entire floor.

-

Bellamy stared at the tiny woman in front of him. She had almond eyes and dark, black hair tied up in a tight bun. Her mouth was turned down in a permanent frown and Bellamy felt extremely uncomfortable sitting in front of her.

"Mr Blake," she said and the voice cut through his like glass. He had no idea that a person could sound so dispassionate. "My name is Dr Lydia Esten. I'm sure you have a lot of questions, but I would very much appreciate it if you kept them until the end of our session." She paused and looked up at Bellamy from where her eyes had been firmly fixed on the file in front of her. "Do you understand me?" Bellamy nodded tightly and wondered what was happening to Finn at that moment.

There was question. Endless questions about his life from the day he was born up until today. Bellamy felt himself close off and he replied on autopilot. He barely remembered if he was telling the truth or not. Bellamy realised that Dr Esten hadn't said anything in a while and when lifted his gaze from his burnt arm to find her look at him with a disapproving look in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, what?" he said and she sighed loudly.

"I asked if you had any questions," she said and Bellamy wondered where to start.

"My friends... the other people you took," he began, and found himself dreading the answer. "Are they here? Are they alive?"

Dr Esten looked at him with a squint and Bellamy felt his heart sink. "There were forty two survivors," she said finally and Bellamy didn't know if he should cry or laugh. "Five died during operation and another two from injuries sustained during the fight."

"Thirty five," Bellamy said quietly. Clarke's _you did good_ sounded exceptionally hollow in the back of his mind. Dr Esten nodded. "Can I see any of them?" he asked, still thinking of Clarke. "Can I see her, Clarke?" But Dr Esten was shaking her head before he was even finished talking.

"I'm afraid that that's not possible at this moment," she said and Bellamy wished he had two good hands so he could wrap them around her frail throat. "Anything else?"

Bellamy thought long and hard about any possible answers that could make him feel better, but found himself with only one thing on his mind. "I'd like to go back to my cell now, please," he said sarcastically. "I want to get back to Finn." Something clouded Dr Esten's eyes and she looked down in her file once more.

"Ah, yes. Your... friend," she said and the way her mouth curled around _friend_ made something ugly claw its way through Bellamy's chest.

"Yes," he sneered. "My _friend_. We're very friendly. Can you take me back to him now." To his surprise her shoudlers slumped and there was something soft shadowing her eyes. Something that worried Bellamy, but he couldn't understand why.

"Of course," she said and motioned to someone behind Bellamy. A guard came into view and Bellamy got up from his chair. "Go on and see your Finn."

-

"So they didn't ask you anything?"

They were laying in bed, naked and intertwined, and Bellamy was playing with Finn's fingers. Finn shook his head. "I was here, alone, until you came back." Bellamy took in this new piece of information and wondered what that meant.

"Maybe it's your turn tomorrow," he said quietly and huffed as Finn poked him in the side. "Stop that, I'm trying to think."

"I know," Finn said, "You're cute when you're thinking." Bellamy smiled in amusement and closed his eyes. A moment later Finn was trailing kisses like dust across his torso. "Finn," he moaned as he automatically pressed closer, "Stop, I have things to tell you."

"Tell them to me after," Finn mumbled against his skin, pressing kisses to the side of Bellamy that didn't feel anything, but somehow seemed to feel everything Finn did to him. "Or tomorrow. I'm doing important things."

"Mmm, very important," Bellamy mumbled and smiled wider, longer. He finally felt safe again. Unlike the time he had spent away from Finn.

No one came to ask Finn question the following day. Or the day after that.

-

A week or so later the door opened and Dr Esten was standing in front of them. "Follow me," was all she said before turning around. Bellamy looked at Finn questioningly and he shrugged as they rolled out of bed. Their bare feet made no sound against the cool floor and no one stopped Finn this time as they stepped through the door. They walked through brightly lit hallways, all identical to the one Bellamy and Finn were kept in. At one point they got into a small room and when the doors opened they were in a completely different place. Bellamy tried to count, to keep track, but it was impossible. Dr Esten stopped in front of a door identical to all the other, and stepped to the side.

"We have decided to let you see your friends," she said and Bellamy felt his heart speed up. "You have ten minutes." Bellamy's hand was already on the handle and he pushed it open, wondering who he would see on the other side.

It wasn't a cell, that was obvious. There was a couch lining one wall, and a table with a full set of chairs against the other. Soft music could be heard echoing against the bare walls and Bellamy could smell food. When he cast another quick glance at the table he could see a basket filled with fruit and another with bread. His hand itched to reach out and grab some.

But what got to him was the person standing right in front of him. Someone he knew would've survived the war, even if they had to make every hard choice that was thrown at them.

" _Clarke_ ," he breathed and he watched her face crumble.

" _Bellamy?_ " was all she said before she threw her arms around him. Bellamy caught her the best he could and patted her awkwardly on the back. He could see Finn smile brilliantly on his right and he couldn't help but roll his eyes at him. Finn reached out his tongue in response. Clarke's sobs shook through her body and Bellamy suddenly remembered they didn't have much time.

"Bellamy, you're alive. You actually made it," she tore herself from him and her eyes widened comically as she saw his wounds. "Oh, god. Bellamy. I am _so_ sorry. I had no choice. You know that right? They would've killed all of us."

"Clarke," Bellamy interrupted with a small smile. "It's fine. I understand. I would've done the same, no offence."

"No, you wouldn't have," she sniffed and wiped her face. "You would have done something stupid like trying to save everybody."

Bellamy laughed and agreed with her. A few weeks ago he would've never admitted it, but it was true. He couldn't bare to see his friends die. "I'm just glad you're alright. Me and Finn tried to figure out a way to get you all out, but they got us before we could."

"Finn?" Clarke asked in surprise. "Is he here too?"

Bellamy felt confusion seep into his bones, and when he cast a look at Finn he saw the confusion reflected back at him. "Of course," Bellamy replied slowly. "He's right there!" Clarke looked at where he pointed and Bellamy knew that something was seriously wrong when she didn't jump on Finn in joy. She slowly turned to face him again.

"Bellamy," Clarke said, and there was something painful painted on her face. "There's no one there."

Bellamy huffed out a laugh and looked past Clarke's pained expression at Finn, expecting him to roll his eyes back at him. But Finn's eyes were sad and Bellamy felt his heart drop. 

"No," he whispered and he felt a chill spread through his body all the way to his aching heart. "No, he's right there." He looked at Clarke with his hand pressed against his chest. "Why can't you see him? He's right there." His voice turned into a desperate plea and he felt the weight on his shoulders expand as her face crumbled once more. He felt his knees give out under him and briefly wondered why Finn wasn't there to carry him.

-

When he woke up he was in his own bed and Finn was gently caressing his hair. Everything that had happened earlier that day came crashing into him and with a choked sob he pulled Finn close and hid against Finn's shoulder. Finn embraced him immediately, as he always did, and Bellamy wondered how anyone could say that this wasn't real. How what they had wasn't real. The thought made him press Finn closer and he breathed in the smell that was so uniquely Finn. The person he loved. His home. 

"They think you're not real," Bellamy whispered and felt Finn's hair tickle his mouth. "They think I'm crazy."

Finn pulled away from their embrace and looked at Bellamy with sad eyes. "Of course I'm real," he replied and Bellamy closed his eyes as he felt Finn's breath caress his cheek. He felt as if everything that was real was slowly turning him upside down, inside out, and Bellamy didn't like it one bit.

"Are you?" he asked in a small voice. He hated the way his voice shook with uncertainty.

Finn grasped his chin between his fingers and made Bellamy look at him. His face was as open as always, and Bellamy felt his heart break as he kissed him. Finn's lips were chapped and warm and just as he remembered them. He tried to follow them as Finn pulled back and he didn't want this moment to end. Finn's grip on his chin was firm and Bellamy hesitated for a moment before meeting his gaze. Finn was smiling gently. "I'm as real as you need me to be."

-

He spent a lot of time with Clarke after that first initial meeting. Sometimes Monty was with her. Monty wasn't as cheerful as he used to be, and Bellamy's chest clenched when he realised it was because Jasper was one of the people who died from their injuries. Apparently he hadn't even been aware of it when they launched off. But he had collapsed the moment he had woken up and they had not been able to revive him after that. Bellamy didn't even have it in him to say sorry.

Both of them looked like there was something wrong with him. Bellamy didn't like the pity in their eyes, so different from the distaste when they first came down to earth. They always became awkward and refused to look at him when he made them involve Finn in the conversation. Clarke got better at it after a while, but he could see that it was only to humour him. Finn grew silent and Bellamy couldn't help but hate her a little bit for it. He held Finn's hand in a firm grip under the table as they all ate and he wondered if Clarke felt sorry for him. For breaking when he wasn't supposed to. For not being strong enough.

Bellamy knew that his reality was flawed. He had started to squint at his reflection in the mirror and sometimes he couldn't see Finn smiling behind him. Every time that happened he pressed his eyes firmly shut until he felt Finn's hand on his shoulder. He had begun picking at his memories and felt his bad hand tremble when he realised that he had buried Raven on his own. That it had been him crying at her grave until he couldn't talk anymore. Finn had been laying dead just a few feet away and he hadn't saved Bellamy, hadn't pulled him away from the smoke that had slowly been killing Bellamy. He had been burning alive because Bellamy had been too set on sacrificing himself when they could all have lived. He wondered if this was the punishment he was given because of it. But then Finn reached over and kissed him, and he found himself unable to focus on anything else. Just the fact that Finn _had_ saved him. It was his voice that had pulled Bellamy away from his slow and painful death.

Clarke did her best to keep him occupied, to not fall into the deep thoughts that just ended up hurting him. She asked how he had managed to survive on his own but quietened quickly when he told her that he hadn't been. Instead they started to plan their escape. Finn whispered information in his ear, information he knew that he must've managed to snap up but only Finn was able to give him, and he told Clarke in turn. She looked proud of him, and he wanted to tell her that she shouldn't be. That he was better off being left behind where people could keep him in check. He didn't. He knew she wouldn't listen.

They planned and planned, and Bellamy felt himself growing stronger. He looked forward to the time he could spend with Clarke, and Monty, and they even started to laugh together. Not often, but enough for it to mean something.

-

One day Bellamy woke up and Finn was gone.


End file.
